Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Sexual Harassment

Sexual Harassment is an Important issue that I am tired of hearing about. For one thing, a few of these reporters are describing cads or dirty old men who really are not sexual predators. They are just rude and what they have done was borderline accepted behavior at one time which means we have come a long way baby. Now if it affects your employment or social acceptability, it is sexual harassment that is criminal.
What kind of picture goes with sexual harassment?

I matured early. I got the gross old men hot on my trail.  Fortunately, I never met a bona fide predator which is what Harvey Weinstein was. I'm afraid all these cad alerts are going to desensitize the public to actual predators.

Mayim Bialek had good intentions when she wrote about women need to conduct themselves in ways that discourage men. The problem is a predator is not distracted by that. They are keen to read weakness in people. For someone like Harvey Weinstein, he was able to plunder more easily in that most people in show business know you might get one good chance.

But pleeeez, when the elderly President H. W. Bush was accused of sexual harassment, that is a lack of understanding. Yes I understand it was an awkward and embarrassing thing to be touched on the bum and listen to him say his favorite book was "David Cop a Feel".  He is now 93 so he was about 90 at the time.  Barbara Bush was present and laughed.  Even a President gets elderly and their filter weakens. The joke is truly about at an 11 year old's level. It takes me back to teaching seventh grade again.

The latest was an actress lamenting vulgar remarks from Dustin Hoffman. Once again shame on Dustin Hoffman for being a cad. But she did not feel she had to have sex with him or anyone else. Dustin Hoffman's remark that she stated was pretty bad. It is a shame someone didn't say so to him. He was being a true dirty old man.

As an adult woman, I might have chastised him for being so crude to a teenager. But if I were not on his level I could have been fired. Plus a problem of being so famous is everyone wants to be your friend so bad, you lose perspective of when you are wrong. You have too many yes men like Elvis.

There should have been someone on set that she could have confided in. He should have been told to apologize and behave. This happened when she went to get his breakfast order. If someone else would have been sent as a solution, that would be sexual harassment. It sent a clear signal that he was OK to behave the way he did. I'm sure many men would have told him he was crossing the line. At the time he was 49. He is 80 today.

So she does have a point about what Dustin Hoffman said. It does make you feel like less of a person.

As a society we have sent out mixed messages. One big rite of moving from a child star to an adult star is to be raunchy in public to shake the sweet young image. You have someone like Miley Cyrus being crude as all get out. Then other young women are unprepared to be put in the same boat. Don't get me started on hooking up and Tinder.

I hope the consequences discourages another Harvey Weinstein. But it will not. Someone like him never thinks it is his fault. You can see the difference in their responses. Dustin Hoffman has apologized in being called out.

Harvey Weinstein has not apologized. Of course an apology could be used against him in court. The statute of limitations has run out on most of his transgressions.

I have mixed feelings about the "me too". There is a lot of shame involved and no person should have to publicly state their experience.

Kevin Spacey, like is this a pattern or did he think a younger man who was at the age of consent was last for a reason. Being drunk is no excuse.

I'm a Kevin Spacey fan and hate to hear of his fall. Mixing his apology which implies guilt with coming out as gay was not brilliant. Most gay men don't want to be associated with someone being sexually aggressive with a 14 year old.

Why was a 14 year old at an adult party. Where were his parents or responsible adult?  But there is someone else who is responsible. If everyone is leaving a party and you are the last one. Where is your ride? Who is making sure that you get home safely.

Update: House of Cards cancellation was not impulsive. Lots of stories of Kevin Spacey being a regular leach to younger men. What a disappointment.

There is a director named Ratner denying his raunchiness. Besides looking like a dirty old man, with 6 accusers, he is probably guilty. You can explain away one or two if there is no proof. But when you get a line of folks.

Give me your opinion. We all learn from one another.

I am not doing nano officially. But, I will try to get my 50,000 word goal this month. I better get started.


  1. Sexual harassment is real and dangerous. And it isn't about tacky comments (unwelcome as they are) but is often about an abuse of power. In an ideal world (queue hysterical laughter) we would eliminate both.

    1. Well said, it is about an abuse of power. I'm glad these people will be held accountable. But that perfect world is a pretty far fetched. I love the hysterical laughter though.

  2. True sexual harassment is dangerous and unwelcome but reporting things from years back... how can anyone prove a thing. Your post is brilliant, but I am also fed up with hearing it on every news that I switch on. It needs to be reported at the time in my mind, later is too late, especially when reports come in about people who have passed on and can't defend their selves!!
    Enjoy your day, Diane

    1. Some of the reporting is attention getting. Plus the news takes a story and grinds it in the ground. We are numb from news. I get tired of the reports especially when the complaint is someone said something naughty 40 years ago.

  3. I find it sad that some have held this nightmare back for so many years. It had to offer reoccurring fear all through the years, but then again why wasn't anything said right away or after the fact if it still was tormenting them so?

    1. For some I am guessing it was shame that would hold someone back.

      There are some who are basking in the spotlight and I don't know if they aren't just seeking attention. I have a hard time believing that women who made millions of dollars for their roles would need to go back and do another film with Weinstein if that was happening to them.

  4. A dirty old man giving a pat on the butt or some idiot saying vulgar things can open the door to sexual harassment, but usually they are just being morons that need to be told so or smacked upside the head. Or both. And women do it to men at bars and such, men usually don't care, and they do it in return. Then it becomes a bad thing. Pffft.

    As for Weinstien, he is a predator that needs to be thrown in a hole. Ratner always just gave off that douchebag vibe, and as you say, when they line up, likely true. But sooooooo stupid how everyone jumps on the bandwagon because it is the in thing to do now. Should have done it at the time. But then again, they want that fame, so they keep quiet until they get it and allow him to do it to others. Now it's all so great that people are coming out against him, pffffffft. Would have done that in the first place and many other women could have avoided the arsehole.

    It's getting ridiculous though. Oh, he said something bad to me that hurt my little feelings 20 years ago. Boo hoo. Pffffffft. Get over it.

    1. The games men and women play are not sexual harassment. I had someone that hassled me who took no for an answer and frankly was in a lonely marriage. Not everyone is a monster.

  5. As a fan of Kevin Spacey, I too was disappointed to hear this story and I too had the same sort of questions. Why would Spacey invite a 14-year-old to such a party? Why would the boy's parents let him go? Of course, parenting has changed over the years. When I was a kid, I was let loose in a huge neighborhood plus a nearby forest for hours without supervision or cell phone.

    1. I remember incredible freedom as a child. However, I was streetwise. I remember being offered a ride by a man; and I did not get in the car. He was creepy.

      I was disappointed and surprised with Bill Cosby. I guess we need to get prepared for a few more to fall.

  6. I am a seventy-four year old and all this makes me think, and reflect on my past. I have never knowingly caused anyone, male or female, discomfort or harm, but perhaps others have viewed in that way. I just don't know.

    1. I suspect this is a Catch-22. If you think it is possible, you probably never have.

      Some of these "reporters" are going overboard. They are going for the attention factor.

      I'm sure I have said inappropriate things. That is one good thing about not being a big talker. You don't get called out as much. lol

  7. Harvey is a predator - it's not just sex, it's aggression, power and control gone berserk.

    I'm gutted about both Kevin Spacey and Dustin Hoffman - especially Dustin, he was my teenage idol. More idols are going to be toppled in days to come is my guess. Not pretty. Terribly disappointed. Sick and tired of reading/hearing bad news 24/7!

    Me too seems in a way to trivialise things to me, how can catcalls and/or a pinch on the bum on the bus be equal to systematic abuse/rape that some young people face and many are bravely talking about now? Important to distinguish between the two, while eliminating both of course, not condoning any weird, inappropriate behaviour.

  8. I'm glad so much of it is finally coming out. Hollywood is so quick to pass judgement and act like they're the face of what's right and yet it's a place of such sexism, racism and homophobia. For every story we're hearing there are probably thousands more.

  9. The predator stories these days are stunning and disappointing. Hopefully, shining light on them will deflect the problem in future.

    50K in a month? Wow. Hats off to you:)

  10. You make excellent points. While I am glad to see some of these asshats that think there are no consequences to their behavior get what they deserve, the line separating illegal behavior, rude behavior and bad flirting is getting thinner and thinner. Is it all right for a average looking man to ask a gorgeous model for a drink, or is that inappropriate behavior? Will both sexes be walking on egg shells now? Does behavior that was tolerated 40 years ago but is creepy today, does that define a person? We shall see. I believe inappropriate behavior should be responded to with a sharp rebuke or a hard slap. When that is not possible because of a power situation then that asshat deserves what he may get further down the road.

    I may have made an inappropriate comment or two in my day in an attempt at humor, I don't think I have, but if I have offended I am sorry. Looking back I am pleased to realize I have been a gentleman even in situations where being a gentleman may not have been the other persons preference. Sometimes harassment is a matter of reading signals wrong and men suck at reading signals, too often they read a subtle red light as "full steam ahead" if unsure it is best to assume stop...many men sadly have not been taught that.


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