Tuesday, August 24, 2021

Words are powerful. Words are often said with lack of forethought. The hardest ones are those said which you no longer believe.

It has been 26 years since O J Simpson killed his ex-wife and Ron Goldman. I think he killed her. The dog present was a Spitz and that dog would have attacked a stranger for harming its owner.  Judgement is mine says the Lord; so God forgive me if I am wrong. One of the detectives, Mark Fuhrman, was asked if he used the n word. Fuhrman said no. The defense immediately proved he used the word which allowed the jury to consider that all his testimony was possibly lies. 

That was a racially charged case that made the daily news until my dad would answer the phone, if you are going to talk about O J or the flood, hang up. We also had a flood in July of 94 in central Georgia.

What I was always dumbfounded about was Mark Fuhrman saying he had never said the n word. All whites of a certain age used the pejorative at one time. My mom considered it cursing and you better not say it around her. It was negro or colored you were to use which are considered pejoratives now. I've heard whites get in a dither on what you should call black people. Times change and popular opinion changes. On a deeper level, people change their attitudes. 

Back to Mark Fuhrman, why didn't someone tell him to tell the truth whether it was embarrassing or not. His credibility was at stake. But no one wants to admit to being a bigot. Some of the most embarrassing moments of my life was when I tried to hide uncomfortable truths. 

I wonder about the LAPD in Mark Fuhrman not being prepared for the aggressiveness of the defense attorneys to label him a racist and a liar to mitigate his negative testimony. My dad said be careful answering a lawyer's questions, a question can have a twist. 

Public figures are held to a different standard in voicing unpopular opinions. But what I don't agree with is an 18 year old self's opinion being used to judge a 40 something or older self. I think of myself at 18. I had some opinions so long ago, I don't remember them. If I remember correctly, some of my opinions were just to be a bit rebellious. 

I have a fascination with the political opinions of my classmates. It is interesting who is a conservative and who is a liberal and who is in between and the political party they identify with. For many of us, there was no prediction of where we landed. Maybe.

There is a difference between speech and actions. There is also the capacity for change. One problem all censorship does creates is people do not share what they feel or think. I'm considered a bitch by some. It has to do with I will tell people uncomfortable truths if they need to know them. More like, their health or pocketbook is going to be affected. 

Lately it is over the vaccine. I don't get into any conversation deliberately. But if asked, I say get the vaccine. It makes me miserable that really nice people cannot recognize that they are being bullsh--d about the vaccine. The vaccine is saving a lot of lives. 

People talk about technicalities like titering their antibodies due to a previous infection when the best protection is the vaccine. If I have to read 5 paragraphs how you have had cancer and did the research, I know you are an anti-vaxxer apologist. Get the vaccine if you are able. There are some who cannot get the vaccine due to health reasons. That is why the rest of us need to get the vaccine. To stop a terrible virus that can infect us all. Honestly, I think it will be a decade before the virus is dealt with. If it is vanquished at all. 

We use the phrase "n word" in our house for chicken nuggets. My mom's dog Josey eats a few nuggets every morning. When we drive by Chick fil A, her eyes watch the sign as we approach and pass by. 

You cannot say chicken or nugget in her presence without her wanting some chicken. Soon we will need another word. She is a smart dog. She will know n word is just another word for nugget or chicken. 

JoJo, the chicken nugget eater

Monday, August 16, 2021

 My life is a hurry up and wait, you're behind, you're behind, life is wonderful, I love my animals and nature, oh hell how am I going to manage this mess. 

 Currently, my sister is going into a wonderful assisted living facility. You can't know how much peace of mind this gives me. I have a huge sadness when I realize this is the beginning of the end for all of us. My mom is 91. There is no reason for me to feel all of our lives are over. But there is change coming. One woman who my sister tries to avoid at mealtime at the rehab constantly rehashes the things she cannot do any longer. She is talking to the wrong sister. I can sympathize with mourning for what has been.

I've healed for the most part from my fall. My back hurting at night is alleviated by getting up and sleeping in a chair. I had this problem before the fall. What is niggling me is my brother's welfare. He is developmentally delayed. So I think about moving into independent living in the near future. Not that I really need to. I am just concerned if something happened to me that he is taken care of. My other tactic is to start attending meetings with workshops organisations for the developmentally delayed. 

My brother as well as myself are enjoying our retirement in our home with all of our pets. My brother will call the dogs stupid when they ignore his orders. I try to give him other words to use like hard headed, bossy. We do have spoiled animals. My sister who is moving into assisted living was aggravated with me and fussing at me. I was miserable and what does my little lap dog do. He sits by her wheelchair and refuses to come with me. I look at his warm eyes and he seems to say to me. I gots work to do taking care of Donna.

There are a myriad of animals that live around my house. There is the deer that stands nearby when I am mowing. There is another deer with her twins who live under a broken branch of an old Pecan tree. The branch is covered with wild muscadine vines. I almost cleared it last winter but ran out of time. Lucky for the deer, it makes a good shelter from the rain. There is an enormous buck that hangs around my back yard. I like the stout, alert ears of the armadillos when they see me. Today, I had a turkey buzzard on top of my house. I've started calling them country pigeons. They are everywhere like pigeons on a city street.

The red clay of rural Georgia has seeped into my soul or maybe my soul was wrested from the clay. As a young woman I wanted to live in New York City and have a very exciting life. The closest I got was Atlanta, GA. I look at a lot of my classmates and they live in the Atlanta area. What drew all of us bumpkins to Atlanta are the jobs and central heating and air. You can live so much better there.

It will take me several years to get to all the minor things to make way for a big move. It is not like it has to happen soon. I know some people put their family members in a group home as a protective move from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune as Hamlet would say. But you know, my brother enjoys the freedom and luxury of living in a home with his pets. I can't see giving that up either. 

Living in the country, you are sheltered from so much. There is really no one nearby and if someone were to think they could slip up on my house, my rag tag pack of dogs are ready. When we first moved here, we had a bulldog named Lugnut come to our yard looking for love. I had 7 female dogs and 3 males. My toy poodle bit him on his haunches. My immediate thought was that was the last of my poo boy. Then one of the females nipped him from the other side. My pack was nipping him from every direction. Lugnut decided to go home. We renamed him Luigi. Nothing that lonely for love should have been called Lugnut.

My immediate goal in life is to try to get a balance to have a bit more free time and a safety net for my family members. When one door closes another one will open and I hope I am smart enough to walk through it. 

I live in the land of the anti-vaxxer. One man shared how he had two good friends who had a child to die from the vaccine. I felt like saying, who are these friends. But I dropped it with a polite, probably weak smile. I don't waste time with liars. We all have our flaws and believe me I have them. I have a temper which I control for the most part. But I don't believe in lying. I used to believe in the white lie. Over the years, I noticed the damage lies did for parents trying to raise their children. They could do a lot to correct a behavior early than let them become an older teen where it too ingrained. 

I want to rewrite a screenplay I wrote. I will probably doing a big rewrite in that I have no clue on which hard drive I have a copy. When I finish, I thought I might try to make a film as a hobby. A hobby I am deadly serious about. A hobby none the less. So maybe I will write about things a bit more fun in the future. Feel free to critique the pieces I post on line. I'll give you a taste of my Scot temper marinated in the hot sun of Georgia. Then I will fix the play and thank you later.

I hope you are having a good day. My brother always said Have a good day and a better tomorrow.

Sunday, August 1, 2021

 Two and a half weeks ago, I took a nasty fall in my home. I was packing everyone up to go grocery shopping. The kitchen and hallway were swept and I decided to mop them when we returned. I briskly walked through the kitchen, with my phone, keys, a bag of recyclables, I found my self falling. Obviously it was a small puddle of urine which is the reason why I mop daily. This is my older brother's elderly dog. A dog who won't die. A dog who is loyally sleeping by my feet as I type this. A dog that barks at my longtime lap dog in anger for getting in my lap.

My doctor who I saw a week later told me to be careful to not fall. GeEWhiz, I Did nOT KnoW. 

It was a fall that was unusual in that I could not get off the floor. I had hurt my back about a week before. My mother had lost her hearing aid which entailed me getting on the floor with a hurt back and looking under her chair. I was able to get up. She found her hearing aid in her ear. 

My right leg and my left hand was injured in the fall. I get a call from my sister's nursing facility. The woman asks if it a good time to talk. She advised me to call 911. And I did after about 30 minutes. I knew I would not be able to get up. 

I am not sure about fate and what you have to learn in the cosmic universe. But I did learn ibuprofen is some good stuff. My knee proceeded to swell. I was so glad to have handicap equipment in the house. I sat in a wheelchair and used a walker for the minimum walking I had to do. It was a misery. But I did get a good lesson in what members of my family go through from my mother not wanting to bend her knee to my sister with a stroke avoiding having to stand to transfer from bed to wheelchair. 

And the drama continues with my sister in the nursing facility. They are locked down due to Covid. This is interesting in that many of the staff refuse the vaccination. My sister has been vaccinated.

My sister will not take my calls. She has had a "friend" tell her what a rotten situation she is in. Last time I talked to her, she had a litany of places that were better for me to check out. I was discouraged to say the least. So as I ran errands, my 91 year old mother called her and gave her a talking to. I have to handle this sister like dynamite, she explodes so easily. There has been a lot of craziness. My sister has had a stroke and it affects her judgement. 

Anyway, sister unfriended me on Facebook which means her drama fest is in full swing. The money she had in an annuity which I was going to withdraw to pay her nursing home fees are in limbo. As the responsible party, I will be stuck with her bill once again. As aggravating as all of this is, it is a heck of a lot better than physical pain. 

One thing I did not learn in life is to not care about things. One night after I had gassed up my car, I saw a homeless couple with their dog. The dog was actually picking at the young woman. I rolled down a window and gave them a twenty. It was all I could do to not say get in and take her home. But I know there is always a story with a story. I don't know why they were homeless. I don't know if they were not homeless and just begging for spending money. I don't know if they would murder me and drive on down the interstate. 

I do know if they appreciated the help, life has probably jaded them to the point they would be difficult to live with. One cause of homelessness and having no one to help is the tendency to burn your bridges. 

At the moment, I feel pretty jaded. I would like to take a walk outside. But the coyotes are active close to my house. I know they want to eat cat. But I never like to be outside when they are near. I'm a bit scared of them.

What makes me feel better are the myriad of pets I have. I've got two backyard cats that are real hams about being fed. They are both feral cats that decided hanging out with a human is not bad, not bad at all. Good thing they got an open mind. I think I will try that a bit too. Meanwhile it is 5:30 in the morning and I have not gotten much sleep. 


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