When I get my first book published, I am going to be creative in getting the news out.
First of all, I am going to put a bikini on this body and take a selfie. It might be hard, but; I want an angle that will show how a 60-year old body looks. Title the picture, "This woman hasn't shaved her legs and under her arms in twenty years". After all, it might go viral. The fact I don't have hair on my legs anyway shouldn't be a problem.
You know, I should have named my blog "After all" as well as "When all is said and done" or "Anyway" because I use these phrases more than my own name.
Second of all, I am going to call the news media about how I was locked up in the mental hospital by law enforcement for running a red light. By the time they find out the story is bogus, I will conveniently have tooted my book as a reply to every question the media fields.
Like, why isn't there a police report. Instead of the logical answer, they are covering it up. It is me saying, You'll need to trot on down to my web site and read my book, "Stomping up a Storm in the Valley" to find out the T-r-u-u-u-t-h.
I'll be a down and dirty media ho like the Kardashians.
Anyway, I got the local media covered for free.
Thirdly, I'll dress my dog up like a cat and make a video and post it on YouTube. To see, you have to hit the link to buy my book. Of course, it will say skip ad. But you will not know until you get my book in the mail. Hopefully, you will be so happy you will not notice the $8.95 fee plus shipping on your PayPal account.
In my fourth plan of attack, I create a website with scintillating articles like, which lucky 13 beauty queens look like bag ladies now; or what that hunk on television looks like without photoshop or a good title like "Listen in on Ted Cruz saying he is sorry for all the mean things he said to President Obama".
You don't really have to have pictures or content. Just have a window that pops up selling your book. If they click "no thanks" have the upcoming web page load slowly until it freezes the browser. It will serve them right for not buying the book.
Fifth on my list, I shall announce I invented the internet and original sin. Buy my book and I will tell you why and how you can do it too.
Sixth of all, I'll pick a famous sonnet or poem and claim I wrote it. And yes it will be from the public domain. You don't think I would steal from someone do you? DO YOU?
With all of this hubbub around me, I'll cop an attitude and alternate that with being super sweet.
Meantime, none of this is all that original. It is a maze on the internet with tantalizing teasers to get you to click on a link.
I think I will just tempt fate and see if the book can make it on its own merit.