Monday, August 16, 2021

 My life is a hurry up and wait, you're behind, you're behind, life is wonderful, I love my animals and nature, oh hell how am I going to manage this mess. 


 Currently, my sister is going into a wonderful assisted living facility. You can't know how much peace of mind this gives me. I have a huge sadness when I realize this is the beginning of the end for all of us. My mom is 91. There is no reason for me to feel all of our lives are over. But there is change coming. One woman who my sister tries to avoid at mealtime at the rehab constantly rehashes the things she cannot do any longer. She is talking to the wrong sister. I can sympathize with mourning for what has been.

I've healed for the most part from my fall. My back hurting at night is alleviated by getting up and sleeping in a chair. I had this problem before the fall. What is niggling me is my brother's welfare. He is developmentally delayed. So I think about moving into independent living in the near future. Not that I really need to. I am just concerned if something happened to me that he is taken care of. My other tactic is to start attending meetings with workshops organisations for the developmentally delayed. 

My brother as well as myself are enjoying our retirement in our home with all of our pets. My brother will call the dogs stupid when they ignore his orders. I try to give him other words to use like hard headed, bossy. We do have spoiled animals. My sister who is moving into assisted living was aggravated with me and fussing at me. I was miserable and what does my little lap dog do. He sits by her wheelchair and refuses to come with me. I look at his warm eyes and he seems to say to me. I gots work to do taking care of Donna.

There are a myriad of animals that live around my house. There is the deer that stands nearby when I am mowing. There is another deer with her twins who live under a broken branch of an old Pecan tree. The branch is covered with wild muscadine vines. I almost cleared it last winter but ran out of time. Lucky for the deer, it makes a good shelter from the rain. There is an enormous buck that hangs around my back yard. I like the stout, alert ears of the armadillos when they see me. Today, I had a turkey buzzard on top of my house. I've started calling them country pigeons. They are everywhere like pigeons on a city street.

The red clay of rural Georgia has seeped into my soul or maybe my soul was wrested from the clay. As a young woman I wanted to live in New York City and have a very exciting life. The closest I got was Atlanta, GA. I look at a lot of my classmates and they live in the Atlanta area. What drew all of us bumpkins to Atlanta are the jobs and central heating and air. You can live so much better there.

It will take me several years to get to all the minor things to make way for a big move. It is not like it has to happen soon. I know some people put their family members in a group home as a protective move from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune as Hamlet would say. But you know, my brother enjoys the freedom and luxury of living in a home with his pets. I can't see giving that up either. 

Living in the country, you are sheltered from so much. There is really no one nearby and if someone were to think they could slip up on my house, my rag tag pack of dogs are ready. When we first moved here, we had a bulldog named Lugnut come to our yard looking for love. I had 7 female dogs and 3 males. My toy poodle bit him on his haunches. My immediate thought was that was the last of my poo boy. Then one of the females nipped him from the other side. My pack was nipping him from every direction. Lugnut decided to go home. We renamed him Luigi. Nothing that lonely for love should have been called Lugnut.

My immediate goal in life is to try to get a balance to have a bit more free time and a safety net for my family members. When one door closes another one will open and I hope I am smart enough to walk through it. 

I live in the land of the anti-vaxxer. One man shared how he had two good friends who had a child to die from the vaccine. I felt like saying, who are these friends. But I dropped it with a polite, probably weak smile. I don't waste time with liars. We all have our flaws and believe me I have them. I have a temper which I control for the most part. But I don't believe in lying. I used to believe in the white lie. Over the years, I noticed the damage lies did for parents trying to raise their children. They could do a lot to correct a behavior early than let them become an older teen where it too ingrained. 

I want to rewrite a screenplay I wrote. I will probably doing a big rewrite in that I have no clue on which hard drive I have a copy. When I finish, I thought I might try to make a film as a hobby. A hobby I am deadly serious about. A hobby none the less. So maybe I will write about things a bit more fun in the future. Feel free to critique the pieces I post on line. I'll give you a taste of my Scot temper marinated in the hot sun of Georgia. Then I will fix the play and thank you later.

I hope you are having a good day. My brother always said Have a good day and a better tomorrow.


16 comments:

  1. Good luck.
    Some hard decisions ahead. I would find it very difficult to surrender my way of living - including the company of our cat and numerous visiting birds. It may be necessary, but not yet.
    I really like your brother's saying.

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    1. I miss my brother. He was a big support for me mentally and had an upbeat way of looking at things. Right now, I am delaying any decision. I love the wildlife where I live too much.

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  2. I hope you and your brother will adjust to your sister's move. Sounds like it's for the best.

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    1. It will be a wonderful thing. I know everything has unintended consequences; but, the sheer relief of not having to take care of her is a gift.

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  3. it is never easy to part away from loved ones specially family members dear Ann !

    i too believe that you don't have to think like everything is over ,we have to accept and follow the flow of life here mechanically and being disturbed on such situation is not unnatural though it is better to keep reality in mind already so we can avoid further pain .

    i saw many deaths but when my true introduction to this painful reality hit me in real when my own parents left this world ! i avoid to think about it deeply because i know if i will swamp will pull me within .i look at what is left in my glass and try to focus on it .

    i hope you will accept it soon too ,you are inspiring lady with courage high like a mountain ,this is a gift indeed!
    your love for your sister and brother is touching and life changing believe me !
    wow you have quite a bunch of pets :)
    how nice to live with nature and having pretty creatures visiting you :)
    i am sure you will manage to rewrite your story and make film one day ,my heartfelt best wishes are with you !
    hugs and blessings to you and loved ones!

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    1. Thank you Baili and I am taking your kind words to heart. I purchased the book that you wrote about reading a few weeks back. When I get a private time, I plan to start reading. I can tell the book will be meaningful. Thank you.

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  4. You are amazing, Ann. I wishing you a happy day and a better one tomorrow.
    And oh my gosh, I have a friend who told me the same thing about her daughter knowing someone who died after taking the vaccine. Another mutual friend told me that wasn't exactly the truth. Actually, that person had a pre-existing condition and didn't die from the vaccine.

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    1. I'm afraid we live in a country of magical thinkers. If you can think it, it can be real. Unfortunately they are dead wrong about the virus. We have a rough month ahead of us in Georgia. Thank you for the kind words Kay.

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  5. I can see how this will be a big change for you and your brother. It's good you have each other during this.

    Your photo is beautiful - I've always loved the country. Of course I lived in the city and metro areas all my life and was always intrigued with country living. MY grandparents and my dad's side of the family all lived in small country towns and I loved going back during the summer as a kid, doing country stuff.

    You will do fine - and I love hearing about your screenplay or film. That is so cool. You go, Girl!

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    1. When you get your camper going and you make it to Georgia, you and your husband can camp out in my front yard. I suggest the Fall and Spring. It is hot like California here.

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  6. Luckily, in western societies,especially in the american one, there are options for people with all kinds of disorders. As they say, there's a place for everyone.
    Your plans for rewriting a screenplay and making a film are very exciting! Wish you greatest of Luck with them.

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    1. We are lucky with having options. But it is a lot of juggling. If you are very poor or wealthy, there is no problem. For folks inbetween, there is some balancing. But it is no where as difficult as it is in some countries.

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  7. That's one of the things I worried about when my husband passed away last year. That I would be here alone and have no help if I fell or something. I can understand that feeling. But my daughter and grandson moved in and that made me feel better.

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  8. You've certainly got plenty of things on the go. Re moving home, I read of someone who would visit a town and if lots of people said hello, it was probably a good place to move to. If nobody said hello, forget it.

    How sad that Lugnut came looking for love and all he got in return was being bitten. I wonder if he tried looking for love anywhere else?

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    1. That is a good system of finding a friendly town. I am probably going to stay locally. I have long roots here. I wrote this funny in that the move will be 5 maybe 10 years in the future. I have a lot of items to sell and sort through. Plus, I don't want anyone letting go of their treasures. Personally, it is all dust collectors for me.

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  9. You are amazing, Ann. I wishing you a happy day

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