Getting use to the Chill factor

For the first time in my life, I am learning not to be driven. I was born with an internal schedule to meet. For the last couple of years, I can't hit the grind. I've got other things to do and well I fall asleep in my chair at the end of the evening.

I've grieved about different things in my life and nursed disappointments but this is one I am having a difficult time accepting.

I've got bookcases with super books to peruse. I snag terrific books at a thrift store that helps support developmentally delayed citizens in Warner Robins and from Amazon. If you could feel the roar I have to mow through it all, sit at my drafting table and create coordinate line graphs that produce pictures, create school activities, write my stories.

But instead,

I've joined the A to Z blog challenge. I'm starting to notice so many serious writers with published books writing a blog. I assumed I would be one by now. I don't even have a manuscript ready at this point.

However, I am still going to two writer conferences this year and keep my mouth shut. At this point I am a hobbyist at most. At the writer's police academy, I told a woman she looked just like a woman pictured on the website. I almost told her what a pretty girl she was with beautiful eyes. I am sort of glad I did not say all of that. It turns out she is a well known best selling writer. It could have made her day or incredibly livid.

There are so many writers out there. When I went to college, one of the profs would joke that Georgia had more Baptist than people. I sometimes wonder if there are more writers than readers. I know there are more couch potato television addicts than readers.

So where do I stand I say. I have read an 18 year olds blog and she writes better than me. I am not only off schedule but incredibly late.

So I guess I will just get used to it. 

I got out of the house last night.

So much can change so fast.

I have to remember how I feel when my mother has a health crisis. I understand the biblical commandment of Honor your parents that their days be long. Three or Four thousand years ago, people felt the pressure of taking care of elderly parents.

Its the crankiness and demanding nature that eats your soul away. This is a post that has to mellow or never be posted. I am moving toward mellow.

My current life is much like the ocean tides. It is ebbs and flows of feeling incredibly trapped to moments where I feel satisfied everyone is well.

I went to see Bill Maher last night. It was cool to see him in person. I did not get to the Macon Auditorium until ten minutes after the show started. There were no parking places close. After a twenty minute search, I took a place about three blocks away in a spookier section.

On one corner were three adult women sitting on the steps of a building with a male standing nearby. I crossed the road and passed a young man and woman with their backpacks and bedrolls. I was at the point of returning and going home. After all, how long was a comedy routine going to be.

I got in, seated and it was a good show. I did not enjoy all the sly sexual jokes to describe people. I think sexual references are so overused. My favorite joke was "it would take the entire Palin clan a week to find Crimea" on a map.

The entire spiel was interesting. He was thought provoking and obnoxious at times. I liked that he pointed out that the United States was not necessarily the best country on Earth. It was just our preference.  He was obnoxious with the religion blather. If you are a believer, you usually have a reason. I have been agnostic. It is just that during a hard time in my life, I opened to faith.

I don't believe the only the reason for religion is a fear of death. That's why we have so many "ghostbuster" shows. Religion also helps you accept the bumps and bruises of life. I looked up Bill Maher on Wikipedia. It's stated he is not an atheist but has turned away from organized religion. Being as organized religion is a product of humans, corruption is inevitable.

He ended with some Cialis commercial analysis gags. I wish I heard the first part. I will have to leave earlier next time. However, what put my mother in a sour mood this morning was my dog Loretta barking all evening until I came home.

Anyway, if I want to go to some evening shows in the future, I will have to board Loretta. Oh the walk back was clear with so many leaving the auditorium. I have a mix of guilt and relief that the street dwellers clear out.

Visionaries like Martin Luther King, Jr.

To highlight how hot a topic race is, the number of readers of this blog drops when I write about race. I got a terrible review of a blog post about race. Black friends of mine say whites don't want to talk about race. However, most black people do not like the topic either.

Being a life-long Georgian, race has always been an issue. A white teacher I worked with who did not get her contract renewed told me our principal who was black was racist. I said nothing. The woman was already down and I did not need to put her down more.

What I thought was a combination of two factors. She just did not fit in with the students she taught. You have to adapt wherever you go. Each school district has its peculiar bent. The second was you have got to be kidding. We all look through the prism of our experiences and race is a big influence on us all.

I have been following a Native American issues FaceBook feed. One thing Native Americans hate is whites saying they had a Native American grandmother. I have a black acquaintance who has told me that she experienced the same thing.

When I first encountered this opinion, I was hurt and mad. I mean I caught heck about how dark I was as a kid before segregation. I remember in Fifth grade being questioned why I was brown. Another girl was Italian and that was acceptable. But I was the same color and I didn't have being Italian as an excuse.

Now, I only have the urge to tell all Native Americans but hold my tongue. They have a lot of anger. Plus, there are a lot of wannabees who have a romanticized view of Native Americans. Yes they have some wonderful religious mythologies and saints. But the bulk have feet of clay like everybody else. I can see where a wannabee can be aggravating.

The epiphany I had with reading the FaceBook feed is the greatness Martin Luther King Jr's leadership. We have visionaries that walk this Earth and we never know it when they are alive.

Tavis Smiley wrote, Death of a King: The Real Story of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s Final Year . What struck me hardest was how hard his last year was. He was battling all the forces of negativity to bring civil rights for African Americans. If not for his non-violent protests and demonstrating forgiveness and love, the tension between blacks and white would have made it impossible for blacks and whites to work together.

I remember the day King was shot.  I walked in my family home to find my mother and father depressed by the news. The good guy had been killed and our country was a pot boiling over in 1968. How you felt about race was a family thing that you did not discuss outside your family. Keeping mum about race is nothing new.

When I was young, every town had to rename a road Martin Luther King, Jr. My thought was "Why don't we acknowledge other black leaders?" I now know that if not Martin Luther King, Jr.; we would be no where close to where we are today. We still have serious problems but we have made enormous progress. All because one man knew the only way to bring change with peace is with faith in God and love.

It's not my place to make suggestions to Native Americans. A FaceBook feed has a fairytale land sense to it. It can seem real. But more than likely it is a place to find enjoyable memes, interesting news articles, surreal website news articles, trolls, friends with a lot of baloney. So this feed can give a trend or frustration light. Plus one over opinionated poster can silence many thoughtful posters.

I appreciate them letting me follow their group. One poster says, why is it always their grandmother. That grandmother may be seven to ten generations back or a family legend that is not true. In the end, it is an admiration.

The Sacred and Profane

"Sacred and Profane" painting by Titian circa 1513-1514

I have got to load photos on Wikimedia Common since I borrow from them.

This is a beautiful painting from the early Renaissance. My first view of the painting was a website in which  a black X was placed over Ero's nipples. I wish I could remember the website.

Anyway, something I saw prompted me to look up the definition to profane. Yea, I knew what it meant. I just wanted to be sure and I came across this photo. Putting the Xs on Eros nipples seemed profane.

It is crazy, we watch the Academy Awards, Grammys, and gasp at some of the outfits. But we gotta put an X on a 15th Century painting.

Same problem today as then, current mores take precedence over common sense. My favorite piece of trivia is that during Victorian times is that people would point at the piece of chicken they wanted. It was obscene to say breast.

During fashion week in Paris, American designer, Rick Owen had male models walking the catwalk with penis exposed dresses. Of course they were dresses for men, not frilly women's stuff. The pictures are of course not suitable for work. This is a link to a Guardian article with pictures so it would not be suitable for work..

Point of view, point of view, Ce La Vie.

Candid article on the net

Once a month, I plan to do a blogroll. They do give me something to write about. I also enjoy reading the other blogs which are usually mommy blogs. It takes too much time though. Puts me behind in playing my computer games. Did you know the biggest block of gamers are women my age. Single women my age also participate heavily in dog agility contests.

I have a hard time not reverting into an advice driven teacher. Arrgh, how do I stop. It comes unbidden. I would feel worse about it but I think women give advice too easily. I plan to return to water aerobics in which my unmarried status along with how much do I weigh or how much have I lost drives me nuts as the topic du jour of a few nosy women.

Today's post is to share an article I read.

Very candid article

It is unusual in the honesty of the politics of having a number one book or movie. One thing I noticed about actors is that those who managed their money well, were able to create opportunities for themselves to continue their career.

The article came home in that we all have worked in situations where connections propelled people to the top. Some are very competent, some very incompetent, with a wide range in between.

My advice-o-meter comes on in cautioning young people about the world. It is not just the Arts but business, education and other fields too. My dad always said be a good worker. They have to keep a few for everything to function. My dad said he had a civil servant's personality. Whether he liked you are not was immaterial.

People do achieve outrageously well and come from nothing, its just that a boost helps anyone. I worked with a women who had the principal brag about how she did student notebooks. She was doing the same thing many teachers were doing. I clapped. I liked her and her students benefited. But what ran through my mind was how she was glowing. It was like she was the only one.

The craziest for me are awards created to promote an organization. People will get just as excited about made-up awards. I used to joke that I was going to write a book titled, "I've never been teacher of the year but I've been called on the carpet a few times."

Anyway this is for a plea that I think accidentally showed on my FaceBook feed. What do you do when all seems futile in the news? You turn off the news and live a life. Ride a bike, watch a movie, go to work, start a hobby, clean your house, read a book, spend time with your family, visit folks in a nursing home. You have control over how you react, not what happens.

Fears and Truths

My Staffordshire terrier, more commonly known as a pitbull, is looking particularly scruffy. She is the new boss dog. She has the part of holding Loretta down but she doesn't bite other dogs. So Loretta bites the heck out of her. I come home to break up a strange fight. Loretta is screaming and Louise has her held down.

Loretta looks perfect. However an old dog is stiff getting up. Louise is flustered. Like I thought you would never get home. Loretta is neurotic is hell. I only leave the cats loose with Loretta. One time when we left, I came back in to get something and my tom cat was grooming Loretta, trying to make her feel better.

Anyway, Louise is my beloved pet and muse. I identify with her. She is judged by her appearances yet has a heart of gold. Of course, whether I have a heart of gold is up to others to consider.

I worked with a young co-worker who said my kind, Southern Baptist, did not like her because she was a Northerner and Catholic. The two women I worked with, prissy Methodist knew my nominal hold on religion.

Having been plenty "young and dumb". At a late age, I may add. I buttered her up. She was a sweet girl; our prejudices are in our fears.

I had a strong opinion about pit bulls until I owned one. I don't believe in breeding any dog. I did not see anything wrong with backyard breeding until I learned of so many purebreds needing homes. It breaks their minds to a degree dependent on their age and how long they have been abandoned.

Matilda was a stray that I adopted. My house is off the road and she had strayed up and down the road for months. Her nickname was Mona because she constantly pled her fealty to us which was annoying. The moaning never really ended totally. It was just cool that she would pick low hanging fruit from the pear and apple trees to eat. Peel a banana and you made her day.

Matilda was a constant and patient companion to Partner who had some serious issues. You could not touch Partner, she had been abused so badly by someone. When I moved her, she healed so much. She would lick the back of my legs when I walked the dogs. All the dogs knew she was daft.

Matilda disappeared one day. About two months later, Partner came home with a funny wound and died. It was a gunshot wound.

I know who is probably responsible for both animals and two others. I have no proof.

I know someone knows the truth.

I lost four pets within a four month period, But I haven't lost any more. It will be two years in February.

I know this is why they hate me. They know I know the truth.

Louise gets in bed with me. She likes to lay her head on a pillow and be covered up. You can dress a mule up like a horse.

Vampires, love and sex

Got your attention didn't I? I understand if you have a vampire in a love story, the reader is expecting sex within a page or two. No coyness needed.

Dystopian societies is all you can picture for the future. I feel that I live in a dying country in that both political parties are so enamored with power. Its not a matter that they agree to disagree. They disagree with whatever the other wants.

It sounds grim but it is a wonder the United States separated from England and united. James Madison felt like the country was bound to split because we had such disparate cultures to form. Southerners big gripe with Yankees is their endless ability to tell you how things are done. It just so happens this was true from the beginning. The Puritans and their descendants were very idealistic and this is their legacy they passed to us today.

The first year I taught school, the school children asked me if I was a Yankee. I did not have the strong melodic accent of the rural area. I gave them a snappy answer, "Thems fightin words."

Then I stood up and looked at my cheering class stamping their feet, pounding the desk with Southern pride. The class was comprised of African American students. Relief swept over me, I did not want to offend my students. I did not know until then that the desire for equal rights had nothing to do with wanting to change their regional pride.

I am a reluctant Southerner. I grew up in the South and have long roots in the region. I still feel irked when someone whose ancestors came to this country well after the civil war want to put their two cents in. After all, they really don't know how their ancestors stood because they weren't there.

What I don't identify with is the Southern mythology. I know I write Southern literature. There are just glaring faults with Southern society that hurt poorer whites and blacks. What many do not realize is there were very powerful, wealthy black people as there are today.

When Joni Ernst talked about wearing bread bags and being poor, I knew she had never lived on todays $7.25 an hour. If you have had that experience, it is a sight worse than wearing bread bags. It is being hungry, cold and without on a regular basis. A small setback is a huge blow to a family on that income. What ran through my mind is I hoped she never had to experience it.

There are people who have a hard view of people who make little money because they once did. Some of them are making up a bogus story to make people admire them. Others have anger at people they remember or the experience. I felt that anger at one time. In time I understood what my dad meant when he said "Except for the grace of God, there goes I."

So the country may seem like it is going to hell in a hand basket; but it is not. It may even change. Fortunes may change. Joni Ernst is as dependent on the health of world commerce as I am. With so much social media, we are on a troll mixed with idealism binge which should shuffle itself out.

But dystopia, the world has always been a dystopia. We live East of Eden.

Frankly, I think Miley Cyrus could have given us a more informed rebuttal to the State of The Union address. Of course all that long tongue wagging would be strong competition for that sickening sweet tone of "this is all so easy". I would love to see a Saturday Night Live sketch with a Miley Cyrus type character doing a Joni Ernst impersonation.




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