First

Rhonda walked into the nail salon and there was one chair left. Not any chair, but Ving Nyugen's chair, a veritable Vietnamese heartthrob. Just in time he says, "Everyone just got a customer just before I returned from lunch."

Then, she notices where is her purse and runs back out.
Luckily, her purse was still in the grocery cart where she left it in the corral. Walking back, Rhonda watches a woman park close to the nail salon. Oh I hope she is going to the Sandwich Shop thought Rhonda as she stepped up her pace to a light jog.

Dang, that woman is strolling to the salon thought Rhonda as she broke into a run. She and Rhonda grab the door handle at the same time. They are side by side struggling to go in first. The golden chair is still open. Ving is waiting with the warm water bubbling for someone's sore feet.

That damn woman's leg is in front of Rhonda's leg. She'll trip if she rushes her.

Besides, this is so undignified. A bit of sanity sips into Rhonda's mind as she felt a bead of sweat roll down her face. She calms herself, she is no fool, she relaxes and smiles at the woman and says, "After you."

The woman says, "Oh no you go first."

Rhonda says, " You were here first, after you." Rhonda's face has become solemn and sad.

The woman says, "You can go. I'm not in a hurry." The woman moves her leg and opens the door wider. Her face changes from what are you doing to you're a person.

Rhonda says, "No I can't do that."

The woman says, "Please go ahead."

Rhonda says, "You go."

The woman says, "No I insist."

Rhonda smiles broadly, "Well if you insist.

Eagles

I love all animals. Birds are probably my favorite. The mascot for my high school was an Eagle. I chose my college because it had an Eagle as a mascot plus they did not have an application fee.

Some Eagle facts.

1. Bald eagles do not have white heads as juveniles for their first 4 or 5 years of life. It gives them a pass to fly through other adult's territories until they are ready to  get out on their own and have their own territory.

2. Bald eagles are native to North America.

3. Bald eagles mate for life.

4. Bald eagles are no longer endangered. They are classified as a threatened species.

5. The largest recorded Bald Eagle's nest was 9 1/2 feet wide and 20 feet tall. (3 by 6 meters)

6. Life span of 28 years.

7. Not the smartest breed of birds. That would be the parrot family.

8. Weigh between 10 to 14 pounds. Wingspan is 72 to 90 inches. (6ft to 8ft) (2m by 2.5 m)

9. Bald Eagles can lift 4 pounds.





If I could do anything I wanted, I would rehabilitate wildlife specializing in raptors such as falcons, hawks and eagles. Below, you can see the relationship between the man and the Golden Eagle. I love it.

Kyrgyz man with golden eagle

Dadisms

My dad not only quoted poetry, he could talk in rhymes. He had certain quotes I always loved.

1. Never fear, I've gone for beer.


2. I see said the blind man.

3. He's so mean, his insides are green.

My dad chaperoned Girl Scout trips. He said he wanted to make memories. I have so many memories. The piece of me that is a storyteller I inherited honestly from him. No I did not get the natural rhyme to my speech. But I did learn mirth and laughter from him. When things were bad, he always cracked a joke. I remember the relief I felt as a kid.

As an adult, I used humor in the classroom. It substituted for my weakness with small talk and the coldness of my quietness. I broke a huge rule as a teacher. I smiled the first day. I know you weren't supposed to before Christmas. But that was my gift from my father.

I paid the price of being nice and it is still a bargain.

I memorized this poem by James Shirley as a child from listening to my dad. The punctuation may be wrong. It is from memory and not from reference. I still hear his voice. I wish you could too.

The glories of the blood and state
Are shadows not substantial things
There is no armor against fate
Death lies it icy hands on Kings
Scepter and crown
Tumble down
And into the Earth is equal made
With the lowly scythe and spade.

Clean Comedians

Teaching school, children could provide a lot of comic relief. I always loved their stories. These are two of many funny moments I experienced as a teacher.

I told a student who was talking to a student behind him to turn around. He stood and mischievously turned his body around and sat down. I loved that boy and I guess he knew it. He was an 8th grader and I was a young teacher. One day, I was not thinking and he was sitting in his desk with his rear in the air. I smacked him on the bottom and told him to sit down. He and the entire class burst out laughing. Even at the time, I knew something like that could get me in trouble. No worries, his good nature would never complain. I later taught a younger sister who was equally lovely.

I taught chemistry at an Evening High School. I asked the class if they were hot. The temperature seemed very hot to me and I was turning the heat off. This boy in the back raises his hand and announces, "I'm hot too!" as in he was very attractive.

I saw a new comic on showtime name Alonzo Bodden and he was hilarious. I tried to get a clip of him on YouTube. But, each one had too many f-bombs to ignore. So we will stick to my dad's all-time favorite, Red Skeleton.

Being a Big Bad Biker

This big brute of a biker walks into a bar. To let everyone know he has come to create a little trouble and to stay out of his way. He walks up to this skinny man with his drink cupped between both hands. He slaps him on the back to break him from his reverie of staring into his water. The biker lifts the water and drinks it and gives a wry face.

The guy lets out a wail that would wake the dead. The biker feels awkward. He's bad. Just not that bad. Even bad guys sometimes have feelings. He says, "Mate, I didn't slap you that hard.and that water had an off taste."

I know, I know sobs the man. It's just that I was fired from work today for being late, I was carjacked when I stopped at a light. My wallet and ID was in the car. I had to walk seven miles home.

I come in my home exhausted and I hear my wife talking to someone. She and my soon to be ex-best friend were in the sack together. So I come here getting my courage up to drink a glass of poison. And you take it away from me and drink it first.

I rewrote this story but I lifted gist of the story from  a joke on Inspire21.com.

Alligator Hunt

I’m on an alligator hunt. Carefully stepping over logs and through the brush, a chipmunk scurries out of sight. I think I feel a bite.

By H. Zell - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=38981057



Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=28556




CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=438070

The Big and Now

My sister found a Prada purse for me at a Goodwill. It cost $5. It was monogrammed with a giant A. It is of good quality, well made and ugly. How do you get rid of a gift.

Get me otta here!

My dislike of designer items came to full flower as a teacher. A principal I worked for did not allow students to wear the new stylish torn at the knees jeans in the late 1980s. It was simple. The poor kids would cut up their pants.

I've been that person desiring the sparkle, the aspiration, the bit of luxury of designer items. Then, like all things it becomes jaded when you wish you had the money you had already spent to pay for something else you need. You chase a fallen star to find a bit rock instead.

Yesterday, I was in line at the car wash. There was two lanes. One for people like me who had a monthly plan for unlimited car washes and the other for pay as you go folks. Well this woman cuts me off in her brand new white Lexus. I don't know if it was a valuable one or just a new one of the lesser cost variety. What I thought was, I was not impressed with her pretty car.

And would you know it, the woman that followed her shoved ahead too. So I rolled down the window to the kid who was supposed to be monitoring the lanes and told him. You have got to help me out. When a space opens, these folks are gunning ahead of me.

The woman stops with a gap much too small for me to enter. Clearly she had been caught. I grit my teeth and just look at her. Resigned, she takes her coveted spot. The kid is awake enough to stop the third car.

This behavior worries me more about this country than the incredulous nuttiness of this year's presidential election. It's not that I was so concerned about getting in line and getting my car washed promptly. I had sat in the parking lot and ate a frozen yogurt in hopes the line would lessen.

The nastiness and twisted logic of political ads is not the real problem. It is the people who get so fired up to vote based on agreeing to them. You would think they were hollering about people breaking in the car wash line instead of unfriending folks.

When it comes to the woman in the Lexus and the woman behind her, they may have truly been desperate to move through the line quickly. Something in their worlds may end if their cars were not clean and they weren't on their way within the about two minutes they saved breaking ahead.

I slip in the grocery store to get a pack of bacon for deviled eggs. I decide to get another dozen of eggs for Easter. There is this woman hovering in front of the eggs. Undecided between the cage-free and the regular eggs, she grabs regular eggs and puts them in the buggy that hubby is pushing. I'm politely waiting. She is still in her universe which apparently is not a pleasant place by the look on her face and moves very slowly. She is still eyeing the cage-free eggs.

I wait for Hubby to move on. But he has watched me. He is going to wait until I get my eggs. I tell him the truth. I'm not in a hurry. I smile at him, he smiles at me and moves on. His child is walking beside him holding his arm. I get my eggs.

I stopped at the recycling center to unload the recyclables loaded in my trunk. A woman younger than me with a cane was getting her items out. I asked if she would like some help. She handed me carefully organized items in bags to carry to the different bins. She thanks me and says someone always helps her.

Meanwhile we got riots breaking out all over. Riots of spring flowers clamoring for their day in the sun. I hope there are enough bees, bugs, etc to do the job. We need more riots of flowers.

I'm on instagram now.   www.instagram.com/iamannbennett