Gerry

Gerry’s dreadlocks fall below his shoulders. With a new tattoo on his ass and the west coast rave clothes, he might be 42 but he is still cool.  He thought about putting a teardrop under his eye but the old man said he would cut him off from his funds if he got a tattoo on his face.

Just a regular trustafarian peacock at a prominent film festival, Gerry goes to any party he wants. It is late in the evening, Thursday night, and the party is slow. Some crazy fools get up in the morning to watch films. 

Gerry and his crew watch the end of the night movie and then PARTEH! All the players, hangers, climbers, backstabbers, lovers, haters, dancers, singers, you name it show what they got to one another.

In walks this redneck, the crowd is already subdued and the background noise drops another decibel. Sandy red hair cropped short, reddened skin, a beak of a nose untouched by a scalpel, his blue green eyes contract as if absorbing all that he sees. 

"Alright folks, what did you think?” the man says.

The hot chick sitting to Gerry's left hops off the bar stools and sashays to the rube. Gerry had his eye on her. He had turned and winked at her and got a little smile. When he finished scanning the crowd, he was going to talk to her. If she could hold her own with Gerry, he was going to take her home for the night.

The server walks past him to the rustic yokel.

A clean-cut black dude walks in with a woman who is probably his wife. She is wearing a corsage. Is this an alien invasion or 1956? You would think they could spend a little money on clothes.

“How did you get invited to this party?” Gerry bellows as he swaggers up to the odd group.

“Make a good movie and if the sun is shining bright, a door will open for you boy.”

First

Rhonda walked into the nail salon and there was one chair left. Not any chair, but Ving Nyugen's chair, a veritable Vietnamese heartthrob. Just in time he says, "Everyone just got a customer just before I returned from lunch."

Then, she notices where is her purse and runs back out.
Luckily, her purse was still in the grocery cart where she left it in the corral. Walking back, Rhonda watches a woman park close to the nail salon. Oh I hope she is going to the Sandwich Shop thought Rhonda as she stepped up her pace to a light jog.

Dang, that woman is strolling to the salon thought Rhonda as she broke into a run. She and Rhonda grab the door handle at the same time. They are side by side struggling to go in first. The golden chair is still open. Ving is waiting with the warm water bubbling for someone's sore feet.

That damn woman's leg is in front of Rhonda's leg. She'll trip if she rushes her.

Besides, this is so undignified. A bit of sanity sips into Rhonda's mind as she felt a bead of sweat roll down her face. She calms herself, she is no fool, she relaxes and smiles at the woman and says, "After you."

The woman says, "Oh no you go first."

Rhonda says, " You were here first, after you." Rhonda's face has become solemn and sad.

The woman says, "You can go. I'm not in a hurry." The woman moves her leg and opens the door wider. Her face changes from what are you doing to you're a person.

Rhonda says, "No I can't do that."

The woman says, "Please go ahead."

Rhonda says, "You go."

The woman says, "No I insist."

Rhonda smiles broadly, "Well if you insist.

Eagles

I love all animals. Birds are probably my favorite. The mascot for my high school was an Eagle. I chose my college because it had an Eagle as a mascot plus they did not have an application fee.

Some Eagle facts.

1. Bald eagles do not have white heads as juveniles for their first 4 or 5 years of life. It gives them a pass to fly through other adult's territories until they are ready to  get out on their own and have their own territory.

2. Bald eagles are native to North America.

3. Bald eagles mate for life.

4. Bald eagles are no longer endangered. They are classified as a threatened species.

5. The largest recorded Bald Eagle's nest was 9 1/2 feet wide and 20 feet tall. (3 by 6 meters)

6. Life span of 28 years.

7. Not the smartest breed of birds. That would be the parrot family.

8. Weigh between 10 to 14 pounds. Wingspan is 72 to 90 inches. (6ft to 8ft) (2m by 2.5 m)

9. Bald Eagles can lift 4 pounds.





If I could do anything I wanted, I would rehabilitate wildlife specializing in raptors such as falcons, hawks and eagles. Below, you can see the relationship between the man and the Golden Eagle. I love it.

Kyrgyz man with golden eagle

Dadisms

My dad not only quoted poetry, he could talk in rhymes. He had certain quotes I always loved.

1. Never fear, I've gone for beer.


2. I see said the blind man.

3. He's so mean, his insides are green.

My dad chaperoned Girl Scout trips. He said he wanted to make memories. I have so many memories. The piece of me that is a storyteller I inherited honestly from him. No I did not get the natural rhyme to my speech. But I did learn mirth and laughter from him. When things were bad, he always cracked a joke. I remember the relief I felt as a kid.

As an adult, I used humor in the classroom. It substituted for my weakness with small talk and the coldness of my quietness. I broke a huge rule as a teacher. I smiled the first day. I know you weren't supposed to before Christmas. But that was my gift from my father.

I paid the price of being nice and it is still a bargain.

I memorized this poem by James Shirley as a child from listening to my dad. The punctuation may be wrong. It is from memory and not from reference. I still hear his voice. I wish you could too.

The glories of the blood and state
Are shadows not substantial things
There is no armor against fate
Death lies it icy hands on Kings
Scepter and crown
Tumble down
And into the Earth is equal made
With the lowly scythe and spade.

Clean Comedians

Teaching school, children could provide a lot of comic relief. I always loved their stories. These are two of many funny moments I experienced as a teacher.

I told a student who was talking to a student behind him to turn around. He stood and mischievously turned his body around and sat down. I loved that boy and I guess he knew it. He was an 8th grader and I was a young teacher. One day, I was not thinking and he was sitting in his desk with his rear in the air. I smacked him on the bottom and told him to sit down. He and the entire class burst out laughing. Even at the time, I knew something like that could get me in trouble. No worries, his good nature would never complain. I later taught a younger sister who was equally lovely.

I taught chemistry at an Evening High School. I asked the class if they were hot. The temperature seemed very hot to me and I was turning the heat off. This boy in the back raises his hand and announces, "I'm hot too!" as in he was very attractive.

I saw a new comic on showtime name Alonzo Bodden and he was hilarious. I tried to get a clip of him on YouTube. But, each one had too many f-bombs to ignore. So we will stick to my dad's all-time favorite, Red Skeleton.

Being a Big Bad Biker

This big brute of a biker walks into a bar. To let everyone know he has come to create a little trouble and to stay out of his way. He walks up to this skinny man with his drink cupped between both hands. He slaps him on the back to break him from his reverie of staring into his water. The biker lifts the water and drinks it and gives a wry face.

The guy lets out a wail that would wake the dead. The biker feels awkward. He's bad. Just not that bad. Even bad guys sometimes have feelings. He says, "Mate, I didn't slap you that hard.and that water had an off taste."

I know, I know sobs the man. It's just that I was fired from work today for being late, I was carjacked when I stopped at a light. My wallet and ID was in the car. I had to walk seven miles home.

I come in my home exhausted and I hear my wife talking to someone. She and my soon to be ex-best friend were in the sack together. So I come here getting my courage up to drink a glass of poison. And you take it away from me and drink it first.

I rewrote this story but I lifted gist of the story from  a joke on Inspire21.com.

Alligator Hunt

I’m on an alligator hunt. Carefully stepping over logs and through the brush, a chipmunk scurries out of sight. I think I feel a bite.

By H. Zell - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=38981057



Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=28556




CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=438070