We all got failings. Failings are a
theme in my novel. Everyone starts flawed and they end flawed. Its
moments of grace that make our humanity worthwhile.
Negativity is such a force. It can take
control and rule our lives if we let it.
I grew up where the generation above me
knew horrid hard work and lived like beggars in spite of it. In rural
Georgia, that is still true for many. Old highways are lined with
abandoned homes, pecan groves and farms. Opportunity in Atlanta and
other towns lured people away to never return.
My dad left that part of Georgia to
fight in World War II. He did try to return but learned there was
nothing there for him and moved to Macon.
Of course his mother wanted him to move
back and farm as a side job. Like most people, he didn't follow a
great piece of advice.
I grew up in Warner Robins. It was a
mix of Lake Woebegon and a social climber's paradise. Many people
grew up dirt poor but they wanted to deny their humble roots. My
parent's looked at it indifferently. They just weren't ashamed that
they had grown up poor. This did not keep me from getting on that
ladder. The story gets long, complicated. But to sum it up, I got
kicked off big time. You don't always recognize good luck when it
happens.
We all got a story and there are no
easy answers to what to do in life. I had a teacher friend who wanted
me to quit teaching and get a job where I could meet a husband. She
was right. She was wrong. I needed a job to support myself, not to
find a man. A good husband would have made the slings and arrows of
life easier to bear.
Today during my daily blog reading, I
came across three posts that affected me.
One was TWKHickman's blog “Not Just
Another Mother Blogger”.
She describes an attempt to create a cave
much like her husband's man cave. The problem is a mama cave has baby
bears with legos. I understand the frustration. I'm an introvert.
Introverts need alone time to recharge.
I stay up late to have that precious time. Then I drag and feel like
crap the next day. Earlier today, one of my mom's dogs came to fetch
me. Mom loves company and her dog knows it.
Another blog was about autism.
http://yeahgoodtimes.blogspot.com/ The parent was frustrated with
people who wanted to blame parents of violent or self harming
children. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers. Sometimes parents
have got to do what they got to do.
I have a developmentally delayed
brother. I said I would never yell at him like my dad did. Like the
rest of the family, my brother is hard-headed. I have seen some
creative solutions to problems. Some of these solutions are
expensive. Like the time he took the engine off the new lawnmower and
put it on the old lawnmower. New engine worked good. Bad blades and
rusty mower mowed poorly. I didn't yell about this. But I sound like
a banshee yelling at times.
I read Diana Knox Cooper's book, “Hated
Without a Cause”, a sobering account of her emotional and sexual
abuse as a child. Scars that have left her negotiating life with a
broken heart which she details in the book.
We all got a story. That story is
inherently biased because it is seen through lens of our own
experiences. However, that story can only be understood by others
through our sharing.
My dad said the bible was more a book
of wisdom than a factual text. Diana's salvation has been her
relationship with God. I understand a lack of belief in a higher
being. I have been plagued by that doubt my entire life. It was truly
a difficult period in my life that I started to believe again. I'll
never adopt a rigid code of belief but I do feel an ease in this
world with my faith.
Something I experienced throughout my
life and have no easy answer for the problem is: “Why do we
ruminate over what is bad to the point we can't see what is good?”
When I taught school, a difficult student is all I could think about
when so much of the day was really spectacular. Turning off bad
memories is no easy task. A counselor would help us all and
especially anyone who has had traumatic experiences.
What I do know is love is a more
powerful force than negativity. I just got to remember to practice it
more.
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