Havin' an existential crisis

I love to read about the writing business. My true calling in life is that of a peddler selling my wares. I've been told I was a good salesperson which may or may not be true. I tried to sell collectibles and wasn't that good at it. My cousin can find a pregnant stray dog and sell the dog and puppies easily.

So, just because I like the idea doesn't mean I am good at it even if I was always a high seller of girl scout cookies as a kid. Which moves me to my existential crisis.

I am pushing the big 6 Oh this year. I remember I was so afraid I would turn 60 and not have a book published. I will not have a book published in time for my birthday. But this is not my crisis.

My crisis is I feel pissed with editors and agents about the rules they have. Actually, it is the belly groveling that I think they may expect. Of course I have heard they are looking for a good story that sells. Especially if a writer has a platform to hawk their books. Which makes self publishing look good. Except, I want a level of achievement or confirmation that my book(s) are on the right track.

This is ridiculous in that I have no completed work that I would pitch to anyone.

This is utterly ridiculous in that I have lived a lifetime playing the game, being pragmatic.

So where is this coming from?

Serious post topic -

I am a retired mild mannered teacher. However, the whole issue of publishers and agents dictating the rules bothers me. This is surprising in that I will climb a tree to avoid an argument. So, I am assuming I am not the only one.

I am far, far away from having anything ready to publish. Common sense is if an agent and a big five is interested, tell them anything they want to hear to get the deal but read the contract carefully before signing. Make a deal with anyone reasonable.

So where does this attitude come from and when and how should I rein it in? Am I the only one?