Monday, January 6, 2014

No problem

My contribution to the Trifecta writing challenge - www.trifectawritingchallenge.com

Jeremy Miller stood at the corner waiting on the bus. It was getting dark, the wind was blowing. Pulling the drawstring to his hood, he saw the shadow. He didn't see a person. Walking casually closer to the shadow with a nonchalant whistle. Disembodied shadows, whatever, something logical was going on.

As he approached the shadow, he could find nothing that caused it and the shape did not change. Looking back down, the shadow moved. The bus was scheduled to arrive in five minutes. No other bus until midnight. Indecision, indecision, he followed the shadow.

The shadow seemed to walk a quickening pace. It crossed his mind, where was everybody. Lights were on in the downtown buildings. Traffic seemed to have stopped.

Pausing, Jeremy began to walk back to the bus stop. That's when he felt boxes tumbling, the shadow was gone.

Damn, I can't keep chasing shadows. Looking at his watch, listening, looking, there was nothing to be seen. Without reason, he walked back curious to see himself lying injured, then his memory came back. He had tripped on the pavement.

Breathing, coughing on saliva and small amounts of blood, right eye seriously injured, morning coffee dried on the pavement. He bent over, and fell into himself. Racked with pain, he opened his left eye to see the pimpled punk at the coffee shop he refused to tip, Anytime he thanked him, “No problem” rippled out of his mouth.

A law enforcement officer who obviously lifted weights made five of the youth who towered above the cop.

“I came out here for a smoke. My boss is going to be mad I haven't come back but I decided not to leave him”

“You did the right thing kid. I'll talk to your boss.”


He could feel his body being lifted onto a stretcher. Looking at the kid, he mouthed thanks. The first sound he heard since the fall that morning, “No problem.”

13 comments:

  1. Ooh, how strange to leave your body and then come back to it like that. That was a nice kid. He could've just walked away, justifying that the cheapskate didn't tip, but he did the right thing.

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  2. That shadow is creepy indeed. Great write, love the ending.

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  3. The kid was definitely a good guy that's why he did the right thing by helping him. Chasing shadows gives nothing at all.... That is why pople chase humans now-a-days !! Great story xx

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  4. I love the mystery in this story and the moral at the end. Well done.

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  5. I like that the streets are empty, no-one around, while he's wandering loose from his body. the idea that the dead don't see the living, and the living don't see the dead.

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  6. Excellent and clever write. Well done indeed.
    Anna :o]

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  7. Intriguing - the out of body and then back in was great and unexpected.

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  8. you pulled me in from the shadows... i enjoyed your story.

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  9. Different and intriguing for your reader, as well as some creepily good imagery. Thanks for linking up!

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  10. Creepy almost-ghost story! Kid may not speak much, but he's no slacker!

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  11. A scary situation to be between consciousness like that. I liked the way you brought in the phrase "no problem".

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