Sunday, April 7, 2013

Fantasy and Reality

There is a line between fantasy and reality.     
Picture off the coast of Maui, Hawaii

In my mind, I am still slim, beautiful and 18. Pushing the lawnmower, I am clearly in my fifties without the strength and endurance I had at one time.


What we accomplish has much to do with our self-confidence or awareness. 

I knew a woman who was literally reeling from a terrible marriage with an abusive husband. She signed away all rights to a part of a military pension because she was so afraid of him. She had a clerical job and three children and they were really entering a great place in life without the former husband and father.

What stuck with me was her statement that she would have liked to have been a teacher but she never felt good enough. I thought, “what”? It was a job like secretary, nurse, realtor, etc.  I always saw my job like a craftsman. 

Fantasy and reality. 

Life is hard. All of us have struggles that seem too much at times. Some of it for me is menopausal. Most of it is me. When I have a hard day, I am incredibly negative, mad, doubtful, anxious, you name it.

The one thing I don't do is hide in fantasy, I think. 

I no longer put on airs. People usually know who and what you are and dislike the phoniness more.

I don’t hide my defects as much. I do have to admit I do try to get out of my automobile and walk without showing how stiff I am.

Someone may really bother me but I don’t react and I am careful to not say much to people I may have problems with.

I do enjoy a good fantasy story or comedy. The closest I have come to the recent zombie invasion in media is watching the Big Bang Theory and hearing references. 

I have not watched Twilight or read the books. I don't think the franchise is hurting due to my lack of participation. My sister loved the books and movies. Having sex with the undead isn't appealing to me.

I do like the escape of a fantasy movie. I loved the movie, "It's Complicated", with Meryl Strept which was a female fantasy film in which the ex-husband longed to be with her, she had a dream kitchen built, the has a unreal golden garden, she met prince charming, her ex-husband's trophy wife had reason to be envious of her.

Other than that, I try to keep fantasy out of my day to day thinking.  

There is a non-denominational Christian church that combines conservation Christian dogma and the love of  horses and the "cowboy" way. The "snake handlers" start looking a little more mainstream. The church is probably fine. It's just my view of Christianity doesn't limit the congregation to a specific passion or hobby. I don't think it is a healthy to limit the pool of people and opinions you can encounter.

Being a native Southern, I understand mythology. There is so much baloney parading as fact about the South. Someone describes an eccentric relative and boom it is true about us all. Desperate for attention, some folks agree. Sort of like Jersey Shore representing Italians. 

I wonder what this cowboy way is? I do know it is a way to cope with the world. We all wake up at times wishing not to face the problems we have. I'm dealing with a bully now and I know that the bullying has more to do with them than me. It doesn't make it any easier.

It also makes me think of people who dress and party at Dragon-Con. I know a science teacher with a wife and children who don many costumes for this affair. How does this fantasy affect their reality?

I've heard my brother quote Star Trek and I agreed with the altruism. 

Share your thoughts with me. How much fantasy enters our lives.


  1. Society makes waaaay too much of being slim, beautiful (by societal standards) and young.
    I discovered Health at Every Size and Size Acceptance a couple of years ago. It freed me from yo-yo dieting to try and achieve an impossible standard of beauty.
    I doubt I'll ever love my appearance, but at least now I'm not always saying hateful things to myself. It's made a world of difference.

    1. I wish I could have had that realisation 30 years ago. I have beat myself up about my weight. I now know I did a pretty good job fighting the battle of the bulge. I'm glad you have come to peace with the issue. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with how any of us are made.

  2. Iam going to have to give this some thought. I am not certain how much I entertain fantastical thinking. Thought provoking post...I'll get back to you on this!

  3. My six year old loves a fantasy video game, Legends of Zelda. The character Link is on a quest. We use lessons from the game in real life. For instance he is resisting a new school for next year, and we use his respect for the fantasy to show him, how in real life, people must make hard choices and face new adventures. I do believe for him, he gains strength from fantasy. That said we only let him play that game because we knew it was bound to an altruistic theme. For my family, we use fantasy to teach reality. It has allowed us to introduce some of the harder aspects of growing up with dialogue instead of monologue. As for Dragon-Con... don't tell my son!

  4. I am not a "Twilight" fan either, but I love "The Walking Dead." It's a well-written, thought-provoking drama...if you can stomach the zombie gore.

    I'm sorry about the bullying. That is never easy, no matter how old you are.

  5. I like to keep my fantasy to pretend play with my daughters and when I'm transported by movies and books. And boy do I relate to feeling creaky in my body. Ah, the joys of aging!

  6. There isn't much fantasy in my life at the moment and I sympathize with you on the bullying. No matter your age, it's a difficult thing to deal with.

  7. Hmm..I think...I entertain the idea of fantasy but more of daydreaming, what ifs, and magical realism. We need imagination and dreams but if fantasy becomes or replaces reality, I see it as strange...but if for some reason it is healing, then keep fantasizing. But do keep your head above the clouds...

  8. My biggest fantasy is wondering what I'll do after I win the lottery. The fact that I almost exclusively read non-fiction pretty much sums up the role fantasy plays in my life.

  9. I think my fantasies about myself tend to be negative -- like only bad things can happen in my life (and they have) -- instead of good. But I realize that good things do happen to me, and yet I still tend to downplay them, like I have trouble giving myself credit.

    I'm sorry about your bullying situation, Anne. I hope that's resolved soon.

  10. I don't indulge much in fantasies. I have too much real life on my mind!

  11. Right now, the realities of my life are pretty dramatic, so I'm fantasizing about a calmer time. Maybe someday? I hope...

  12. I indigenous in fantasy. I almost can't help it, my mind heads off on its own. But I don't live there, and I don't wish to be someone whom I'm not. For me, fantasy is the same as chocolate. In moderation, they are lovely.

  13. Fantasy is an integral part of my life (maybe my imagination is too big). I think because my life is so boring, I have to make it more interesting...

  14. It's commendable if you manage keeping fantasy from invading your everyday life. It's feels so difficult to me. Very thoughtful and nice post. :)

  15. You wrote about when you have a hard day...that's me, in a nutshell. I sit and write, in a way, it's my escape, my fantasy where I imagine having a deadline with my publisher. One more best seller on my horizon. That plays out nicely until morning brings one more work day and I'm back to being just me. Being me is fine. I do a good job at it.

    And, I liked Twilight, had to read all the books in one week-end and not because of some fixation with vampires. More that I identified with the Bella Swan chick; uneasy, a bit of a loner, clumsy. Someone just trying to fit in, even in her twisted way.

    I enjoyed your post. Has me sitting here doing a lot of thinking!


Your thoughts.


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