Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Speak Up Will You!

The bottle was almost empty. It was time to tell her. I would be drunk if I drank too many beers. Hey I didn't even like beer. 

You should tell your friend what they need to hear. The problem is, I can't stand to tell someone something that will hurt their feelings. I work in real estate. It is crushing to meet with people whose loan does not get approved and they are so nice. 

I got a backyard full of dogs. I go to a foreclosed home, sometimes there is a scared dog somehow still alive. As soon as I get a key, I go now. My assistant thinks we rush because all that animal waste damages the home. Well let me tell you, a home in foreclosure usually has problems.

"Marci, why isn't my house selling?"

I pretend to be interested in the musician playing the acoustic guitar. Time to "man up". I always think with a sneer. You know how you have a thought you think real hard and that actor's face takes over and says something else. Why can't it be "woman up"? 

"Janet, you may have a problem with staging."

"My house is clean. I packed clothes and knic knaks and put them in storage. We repainted the front door and put in a new mailbox. I weeded that darn flower bed next to the mailbox just before I came here."

"The house looks wonderful. Lots of curb appeal, you know from the inconvenience of having to leave we show your house several times a week."

"It's all the foreclosures isn't it. Are we asking too much money?"

"No you're good. I wish everyone was as practical in setting a selling price."

"Then what is it. The house has been on the market for six months. You know I can get another agent. You're my friend. That's why we chose you. Maybe we should have been more businesslike and chose someone with a better sale's record."

"If you think someone can get your house sold better, I will let you out of the contract now. I appreciate your business. I really do. But you do have a big staging problem."

"Let's see, you say the house has curb appeal, the price is right. Then tell me, what is this so-called problem." 

"Don't get nasty with me. Other real estate agents would ask you to do crazy repairs and change the locks to get a buyer. I don't ask you to do crazy repairs or repaint your house in colors just in case a buyer might like that."

"What's wrong with my home's decor?"

"You're soon to be former home. There is a reason why you're selling."

"Beaches and bubblegum, what is the problem? Give me a good reason my house has a staging problem. Quit pulling me along. I can't take it. I told you I can't take it."

My face feels hot. People from other tables are looking at us. "Janet, we are making a scene. Let's go."

"I'll go. I'll go. But not until you tell me. Now tell me right now." The air resonates with a loud taps from her small fisted left hand hitting the table with a large butter knife.

An older man with a balding head interjects. "Yes, tell her. It's only fair."

With an audience, it starts deep in my throat and comes out flat and monotone. "Odor"

"What did you say? I didn't understand."

"Your house stinks. You and your husband chain smoke  It's obvious the cat has urinated somewhere, dogs have their own smell. The odor has sunk into the carpets. ---    Drapes. -----     Walls. ------       You got a problem Janet. Either you and Leon stop smoking or vacate with the cat and dogs. Replace the carpets. I have never known the odor to be steam cleaned out."

"I see." She sits down with her purse held tightly in her lap. She fumbles with her cigaret pouch

The balding man looks content. 

The waitress comes by. "Would you like dessert?"

"Why not. Janet, dessert?"

speakeasy writing challenge 97


  1. Eeewww. I can totally imagine what that house must smell like!

  2. I got dogs and cats in my house. So, there is no telling what people think when they leave my house. I had a friend who sold real estate and one of her clients couldn't get their home to sale. She just couldn't tell them their home smelt bad. This is where I got the idea. I hope you are doing well bee.

  3. I gotta go with Bee, Ewwwwwwww. I can't imagine someone could be oblivious to that issue.

  4. This is great! I love how the conversation drags out to the point that strangers start interjecting! Too funny. Great take on the prompts!

  5. Oh I could so identify with this. We once rented a home in Jo'burg where the owner's dog had used the dining room carpet as his toilet. And your character is right, cleaning the carpets doesn't work - they've got to go! I loved this, and an ingenious take on the prompt. Well done.

  6. Ugh, cat pee and smoke. Nasty, nasty, nasty. We looked at a house that smelled like cat and couldn't get past it. It really is a problem.

  7. I'll join in with the rest of the ewwwws! Like Stacie, I can't imagine being that oblivious either, but I guess when someone lives with it for so long they don't notice!

  8. Haha, I also liked how the gentleman butted in. It can be so hard to be truthful with friends.

  9. Oh wow - nasty, nasty odors. Deal breakers for sure. I like how the subjects was switched to dessert! haha


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Is it leisure or lazy?  I did well to have a few posts written early. Now, I am feeling the pressure. My response to pressure is the urge to...